Grace and Frankie and the Huff Post


I follow, fairly religiously, the Huff Post Queer Voices section. Partially this is because I am an Ally, but I also like to see what’s going on with Straight Spouses, which is sometimes a topic that is discussed there.

In the article link below, the series Grace and Frankie is used as a framework for a discussion about Straight Spouses and the reality of their experiences. I happen to enjoy the series very much, and while it may be a trigger for some serious emotions, it is a great show that uses humor and condenses a lot of the issues that we straight spouses deal with into each episode.

Watch it if you can; but remember that it may trigger some intense emotions in you.

Here is the Huff Post article, and I encourage you to read it so that you know you aren’t alone. Hugs to all of you on this roller coaster. It’s not easy, but there are so many of us out there cheering you on!

Thanks to Amity Buxton and  Kimberly Brooks Mazella for being a part of that article. You ladies are amazing and I am grateful to be able to know you.

3 Women Share The Moment They Found Out Their Husbands Are Gay

Live Life, Love Life, Impact Others,

Emily Reese


7 thoughts on “Grace and Frankie and the Huff Post

  1. Yes, I’m an ally too. But as a straight man married to a lesbian, I’m just saddened that as so often, we remain invisible and forgotten. I am currently struggling with anger after a discussion with my wife. She’s asking herself, and a few close friends, ‘What could I, what should I, have done differently?’ My answer to her was that we were both babes in the wood, with little understanding of ourselves and of the complexities and unchanging nature of sexual orientation. We were doing our best. But we knew that we needed help, so we looked for it, searched, went on retreats. At one retreat, she now tells me, a church minister strongly discouraged her from talking to me about her same-sex attractions. And at a later retreat (we didn’t go together, deliberately), he told me, when I confided about our almost sexless marriage, that I should try to woo, to seduce my wife.Which I tried, with no success, for obvious reasons. But this depressed me all the more, thinking that I’m a hopeless man and husband and lover. But he knew that she was a lesbian, and I didn’t! And she was also in therapy for years, and the one session I had with my wife and the therapist, it was to talk about our almost sexless marriage, and again, the therapist knew about my wife’s lesbian orientation, but she never pushed her to go further, to look deeper. So I have the feeling that professional carers and counselors let us both down.

    1. Oh my god. Yes, that counselor was awful…no two ways about it. Also, I have been thinking for a couple of years now that someone needs to start a blog like mine, but more geared toward husbands who have a wife that comes out. There are so few resources for men in this situation. What really needs to happen is that someone who sees that need must be led to fill it. I don’t want to push those I know to do it, but I have a few people in mind that would be great at it. I will hit them up and see if there are any takers.

      Thanks for commenting and sharing your story transparently. Every time someone does that, they reach a reader in ways they may not realize. Helping others to know they are not alone is crucial on this journey, and I am grateful for your honesty.

      Hugs to you on as you travel on this road.

      Live Life, Love Life, Impact Others,

      1. It is one of the few ways available to me of giving any sense and meaning to what I’ve experienced. I don’t know if you or any others here have heard of Boris Cyrulnic, a French Jewish survivor of WW2, and a major scientific voice, populariser of the concept of ‘resilience’. Telling our stories IS on of the important ways of overcoming trauma, and finding yourself in a Mixed Orientation Marriage is a first class invisible trauma.

  2. I listened to your Ted Talk on the subject “The Other Side of the Closet: A Straight Spouse Speaks Out” and I had questions on my mind. As a married man with kids, I can say that I am straight through and through. But the issue about Straight and Gay feelings are very confusing and difficult to handle. In my mind, it is like Darkness and Light. They cannot be in one place at the same time. Where there is Light, Darkness cannot comprehend. Darkness is the absence of Light. So, how do you continue on this path of family life ( you, husband and kids) while he goes away to express himself elsewhere because of who he is and you stay with him because you love him and the kids and want to keep the family together? Are you a true practicing Christian that is prepared to walk in the word of God or at this point, “modern changes” and accommodations must be the way forward because we cannot find exact answers from the Bible to address our individual specific needs?
    After your husband came out of the closet, is he happy and are you happy now?
    My opinion about your marriage does not matter, but what the Bible says and how we are led by the Holy Spirit of God to lead and guides us matters a lot and I pray that you seek the face of the good LORD to help you in these difficult times. You are a very intelligent woman and I was greatly impressed with your TED TALK. All the best to you and your family.

    1. ‘Confusing and difficult to handle’, yes indeed. But the word of God is far from clear in this area. Tradition, yes, the Old Testament, perhaps. But can you point to anything that Christ said that clearly condemns loving equal and mutual same-sex relationships? No, you cannot.

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