Encouragement and Nothing More

There is a particular Facebook page that I am addicted to, called Queen of Your Own Life. On it, Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff post encouraging quotes with moving images of women, taken from their book Queenisms. I am going to post one of those on here each week (like the one above), because sometimes the thing a person needs, who finds out their spouse is gay, is something–anything–to get them through the next hour, morning, or day. While these images are for women, they can be applied to guys, too, so enjoy and simply soak in the message that it may speak to you.

Getting through this crisis sucks, and that’s putting it lightly. However, you are strong. You are unique. You can do anything.

Live Life, Love Life, Impact Others, Emily

Image credits to Kathy and Cindy, for Queenisms(TM)

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4 thoughts on “Encouragement and Nothing More

  1. Hi Emily – thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m the guy on the other side – maybe Felipe. I fell utterly in love a few years ago, but when I told him I had feelings for him, he told me to, essentially, get lost. He then married and has a child.
    The pain of this situation can be unbearable for everyone involved… Even the other guy. Thanks so much. I hadn’t heard the perspective of the wife.

    1. David,

      I can honestly say that I have never once had someone contact me who has your perspective. I am so happy you did. Now, were you involved as more than friends? Or was it something just you wanted and never had? Just trying to understand a little further. But no matter what, I truly appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective.

      Much Love, Emily

  2. Wow, thanks. I wasn’t expecting such a quick reply — I imagine since the Huffpost you’ve been getting inundated… I’m so happy I found you 🙂

    To answer the question shortly, were we ever involved more than friends” No, I can’t point to a specific sexual encounter that offers what most people need for “proof”. What I’ve told many friends when talking about my story is the intimacy of our friendship, and, while nothing physical happened, there are scenes that I describe his obvious “curiosity”, and my friends understand–especially my gay friends. That ambiguity has been a killer to me, and almost makes me wish I had done something when I had the chance. I chose to hold back out of a respect for his fiancee’–I didn’t want him to cheat on her.

    I wasn’t religious growing up, so never feared being gay myself.. at least not when I lived in California. I just wasn’t sure when I would come out. I joined the military after high school and was basically forced to stay in the closet because of DADT. I had various girlfriends, because, like you said about Devon, even though I knew I was, I still didn’t want to be gay. The military environment also introduced me to heavy religion, and I really got involved trying to pray it away, so I completely understand how religion affected your story…

    What finally got me to come out at 31, a few years ago, was that I was actually dating a girl. And, because I was 31, marriage seemed like the next thing I needed to do… hence why I was dating a girl. I finally told her the truth realizing I couldn’t do that to her, the lies and deceit, and because also, for the first time in my life, I understood what love really meant because of him.

    I told him, and my actual belief at the time was that he knew he was gay too, and it was just a matter of which one of us was going to break the silence first and make the first move, because technically at that point our friendship was a heterosexual friendship. It was extremely scary. His response was the opposite of what I hoped. Strangely he never actually said the words that he wasn’t gay, he just said I didn’t understand him and told me to go away. Months later they got married and now have a child.

    It’s tough. I’ve tried really hard to understand the situation. There’s a really good German film called “Freefall” on Netflix that does a good job of this situation, and focuses a bit on the wife. I have yet to find anything that tells me how to cope. Lately the question on my mind has been what do I do? Do I try to move on? It’s been three years now, and the thought that I might have to spend the rest of my life never getting to see him again is painful. In the Freefall movie, the other guy basically disappears, never to be seen again. I have some gay friends who have been in similar situations, and it’s as if we’re all missing out on our real love…

    It’s as if I have to wait and hope and pray that his family and his marriage eventually falls apart. And they actually choose to divorce and not stay because of……

    Could you imagine if Felipe had showed up on your doorstep?

  3. P.s. I really enjoyed your podcast. Thanks for having the courage to share your story. In the last few years I’ve met so many with similar stories.

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